Life has been interesting since coming home from camp. I got sick and have been fighting that, still on the mend, but hopefully near the end and work has been quite the test. To understand what it is that I think I get let me back up and share with you from our camp sermons... The theme for our camp this year was "Out of my mind"...the premise...taking the truth that we know about God, living it in our hearts and as a result watching it pour out through our hands. Pretty awesome, huh? It was a great eye opener for all of us, I know I was affected in great ways. We kicked off friday night by talking about how the world has conditioned us all of our lives to believe that to be a christian we must change and do things differently. It is all about what we do, say, and how we act. Our society tells us that we have to have the newest and latest and fastest stuff. Well here is the undeniable TRUTH....Jesus came to live, to die, He was resurrected, He ascended and sent us His Holy Spirit, and He is coming again. Against this knowledge there is no argument...this we know. This is what we believe. If we believe this and accept this fully in our minds, than we are to do what He commands us to do in Mark 12:30..."Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength"...I love how this was summed up by our youth pastor, He is not asking you to love Him with what you had for yesterday because you can't, he is not asking you to love Him with what you have for tomorrow because tomorrow is not a guarentee...He asks us to love Him with what we have NOW, TODAY. He doesn't ask us to do things, but to love with all we have, not more than we have, but what we have. Our response to this is confession, repentence, and thanksgiving. We are to confess everyday that we cannot do it on our strength, repent that we thought we could and give thanks for all that He has and will do through us. If we do this, than we will obey His second commandment which is "Love thy neighbor as thy self"...this is where helping out in ministry, and all of the other things that you "do" comes into play. By living a life surrendered to Christ, it will flow through your hands to your neighbors.
This was a great wake up call. The weekend ended with the story of the widow in the temple that gave her two pennies. We were all handed two pennies in an envelope. We heard a story about a man who was a billionaire and one day found a penny on the ground and someone asked him why he wanted to keep a simple penny when he had much money. The guy replied because the words In God We Trust are engraved on the front of the penny and it is a reminder every time i look at it to give thanks and trust in God. An empty jar was set in the middle of the room and as we entered a time of prayer we were asked to offer our pennies as a sign of trusting God with something, of sacrificing all we have. We were asked to remember the widow. Next time we feel like grumbling or not giving something to God, remember her, she gave all she had. It does not matter how much or what it was. At the end we were asked to come and take two pennies to represent what we had trusted to God that night and offer one to someone else and tell them what God has done for us. Mine are in my Bible and serve as a reminder to be thankful and to surrender to God. That night I surrendered my fear to Him. My fear for the future and uncertainty in decisions. I feel at peace and have some direction. For now it is one step at a time and trusting that His will be done and not my own.
This peace has been such a huge relief. While it may not have been the "specific directions" I was looking for, I cannot deny that i feel a huge weight lifted off of me. Yesterday in a women's devotional that I am doing with some close friends and my sister the topic was showing up for service. For those of you who think that this means going to church, you are mistaken. The devotional talked about when we are praying simply "showing up for service"...meaning, coming before God with a fully committed to Him heart ready and willing to do as He asks and guides. In the devotional was a prayer..."Here is my life, here are my hands, my emotions and my will, my intellect-all that I am. Use me today in whatever way you want, no matter how small the task" Women's Friendship Devotional. I started my day off today with this prayer and I will admit that I repeated it a few times throughout my day. For me the biggest part is giving my emotions over to God. Today was the last day for one of my children who I have had since he was 18months. He turns three tomorrow and will start a new center. It is never easy watching my children leave and so it was quite an emotional day. Along with that I was sick all day wondering whether or not telling someone the truth had cost me someone very important. I surrendered it all to God many times and I only got through today on His strengh. I spent my lunch hour driving around town in tears just listening to worship music and trying to draw closer to Him and draw on His strength.
The thing that I get now, is that surrender is a part of life, EVERYDAY. It doesn't just happen in the morning or at night, but during the day, and every time something challenges you and your submissive attitude to the Lord. I am learning. Surrender does not come easy, but that is why we do not have to do it alone.
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